Justin made reference to this in his blog.
I guess I better explain myself.
I do think that in our culture we get married too late in life. I think we should go back to getting married when we are 12 or 13. This is the average age that girls start their periods. I think if this were to happen our country would be a far better place. It would eliminate sex before marriage and unwed mothers. I guess mostly eliminate these things, there is always the exception. I think marriages would be more successful and the divorce rate would drastically lower.
I also think there is something that makes arranged marriages successful. While I was in India I was friends with Christian Indians who were choosing to let their parents arrange their marriages. They believed that arranged marriages lasted longer and that their parents could pick better mates for them than they could for themselves. They marry not for love, but for necessity. And with that necessity comes strong commitment. They all said that love comes later. Sounds pretty backwards to us huh? [read an article here.] The divorce rate in India is very low. Granted some women are in very abusive relationships that they need to get out off....I am not saying that people should stick with a relationship like that. But divorce is viewed as culturally unacceptable. For us it is a easy way out of a marriage when things get too "tough" If it wasn't acceptable in our culture don't you think people would think a lot harder about getting divorced and what the consequences of their actions would be? Where was I going with this? Oh, so I also think that these marriages should be arranged by the parents. Who at age 12 is capable of picking their mate for the rest of their life? Who would you have ended up married to at age 12 if you had gotten to pick?
I think it would force kids to grow up sooner (i know a lot of people think kids should stay kids longer). They would have the responsibility of providing for their family and making a home for themselves. I think it would lower the crime rate in teens because they would be busy doing other things.
I know this would never work in our culture today. Kids are in school, and that is important. To go back to this would be considered regressing in the eyes of most people.
But I can't help but look around at all the things that are happening in our country and wonder what the problem is.
If I had gotten married at age 12, it would not have been to Justin. I don't know who it would have been. And I believe that Justin is the best there is for me. So I am definitely not sure about this theory. I've just been thinking a lot about it. Don't shun me please!
6 comments:
Kristi..i think we think along the same lines. I've often felt this exact same way. We encourage our children to be kids as long as possible, yet grow up! be responsible! go to college, get a job...BUT, don't have sex, ignore your hormones! What a mixed message they get. As for arranged marriages..I'm all for it! I keep telling Dale I'll find him a wife, but he just keeps ignoring me! *sigh* What's a mom to do?
Man I TOTALLY agree with you! If I were to look back to when I was 12 [I had like 15 boyfriends, haha] I would not have married the best choice of a husband. But if I had grown up [until the age of 12] knowing that I would be picking a husband I'm sure my life and my dating habits would have been very different!
being in a relationship right now where I really want to get married, it would be nice if I didnt have the "pre-requisits" such as finish high school, do some college, get a good job, stuff like that. I would like for my responsibility as a woman to be: get married, be a wife. doesnt that sound nice?
I like your theories.
that's interesting.
i agree.
the way we raise kids now, most kids aren't ready for marriage until "well" after college.
overall, the way we, as parents, raise our kids doesn't set them up for success.
yet, if we married our kids off at age 12, they'd probably be a heck of a lot better off!
[thoughts transcribed by .justin]
Interesting. I find I rather agree. Watching a young man I know struggle (refuse) to be a man (buy own food, move out of parents' house, do own laundry) If at 13-15 he was caring for a family... he would not be a child at28. I also belive Love is a verb. Something we choose to DO not just a feeling. So I love what your Indian friend said .."Love comes later"
okay... i agree mostly. just can it be older than 12? like 15? that seems safer to me..
I am familiar with the idea, but really I don't agree at all. I am married to my soul mate whom I didn't meet until I was in my twenties. Now we're married, and yes waiting to have kids, for good reason! I would rather enjoy my husband, go on vacation, sleep in, and spend quiet time with him, all while building a strong marital foundation to prepare us for the road ahead.
That aside, this is about marriage. I think marrying later gives you more time to consider who you really want. While I understand where you are going with saying that it would reduce pre-marital sex, I also think that life is not about what society you grew up in. It's about choices. Are you going to make the right or the wrong choice? Who's to say that the rate of affairs would not go up if people were "forced" into pre-arranged marriages. Who's to say there wouldn't be a rise in verbal and physical abuse. Especially if it was not acceptable to leave your husband (which by the way in India people have been stoned for being "socially unacceptable", is that what we want? ). Right now women are abused all the time and it is acceptable to leave your husband!!
In life God gave us free will, we will use it as we please. Whether we use it to honor him or not, that's one if his gifts to us. Why would we want to pigeon hole our children into feeling that they have no ability to make choices themselves. I would rather raise my daughters to be strong and independent women (let's not forget women's rights movement 40 years ago!!)
I work with a girl from India and she said a lot of marriages while they do not divorce, they are not truly happy. I would rather wait and be passionately in love with my husband than marry him because my parents said I should and "grow to love/tolerate him".
Lastly, when I was twelve and thirteen I was goofing off and thought of all boys as my brother, who wants to rip a child from their innocence at such a young age?
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