I am always amazed at the criticism that my husband is met with. I know that he is not perfect. And I know that he tends to push the limits with things. And sometimes people don't like that. But I also know that his heart is usually (if not always) in the right place. He desires God's best for people, and with his personality he naturally approaches things differently than what is "normal".
I really felt that God had called me to marry someone in ministry. I wasn't sure what type of ministry, but I knew I was going to wholeheartedly support my husband in whatever ministry it was that he was involved in. I was excited when I found out Justin was interested in youth ministry as I had always loved discipling high school girls.
So, I entered my married life very excited about being in ministry together. But right from the start it seems we have been met with nothing but criticism and discouragement.
Let me interrupt myself here and say that we do have a select number of wonderful people in our life. I know that these people love us and support us in our ministry and our personal lives. A HUGE THANK YOU TO THESE PEOPLE! I do not think you can even begin to realize how much you mean to me. That you support and encourage my husband (and me)means more to me than you could ever comprehend.
But. With that being said, some of our greatest hurts have also come from people that we thought were our biggest fans.
I worked at Lynch Creek for 5, maybe 6 years. I loved that we had the policy that the customer is always right. Always. But no one ever came in and asked us to repaint our walls because they didn't like the color. Or to please not wear a certain shirt because it could be misinterpreted. Or to only play rock music when they come into the store. Or to turn the lights down because it hurts their eyes. So why do people feel that it is their right to demand that those things be done in a church? And to personally attack the people in charge? I really just don't understand this mentality AT ALL.
I love youth ministry. I love the youth that are involved, I love seeing kids step it up and live their lives fully for Jesus. BUT, I can totally see how people get so discouraged that they quit ministry and turn away from christianity forever. It is so hard to be doing what God has called you to do and to have people that are supposed to be on your side attacking you every chance they get. I have been really turned off by "christians". Let me be clear, I am not turned off be Christ. (that sounds really cheesy!) But by people that claim to be followers. I know that people are not perfect. I know that Justin and I are not perfect.
I am so tired of being attacked for our personal lives. I know that we need to be examples in every aspect of our lives. I think that is a call of every christian and especially ones in ministry. But come on. Give us a break. My husband (or I) does not drink ANY alcohol. EVER. He does not swear. He occasionally will use a swear word as a joke. But he thinks it shows un-intelligence to swear. Maybe he will blog about it. We do not go out to bars or clubs. We are careful about the movies we watch and the things we read. We try to model a good marriage and good parenting.
~story...after we got married we had our honeymoon and then flew to Hawaii for a reception out there. The day we got back we had to be at a youth camp for (at least) 2 nights and then go straight to another camp for a week. At the week long camp we slept separate. He was the boy leader I was the girl leader. It was okay. I mean what other option was there? But the person in charge told us we couldn't have any physical contact because it set a bad example. We have never been the type of people to be all over each other. Holding hands, or a quick hug or kiss good-night was all we expected. Apparently that was a bad example. Yes..2 MARRIED people that love each other and desire to hold hands. I can totally see how that would lead people astray. (sarcasm.)
I am rambling. Sorry. I just am really frustrated. Can't people just back off of us for awhile? Don't they have anything better to do? I don't think we are quite in the "burn out" stage. I think Justin loves doing ministry and it is exactly what he is supposed to be doing. But I just don't see how any person could withstand the amount of criticism and opposition that he is met with for any long period of time. I think we both started this "journey" very excited, but I know I am turning very cynical.
Maybe these are inappropriate things to blog about. Maybe this is something I should have journaled about. I think I am usually really good about not "bad talking", so I hope this doesn't come across as that. I want my blog to be full of honesty and transparency of my life. So...this is where I am at.
But, then again. Someone will probably read this blog and find something wrong with it, then complain about it. I can see where it has the potential to go. Sad.
I have a lot more I could say, but I need to be done. I do not have specific people in mind while writing this, so it is definitely not aimed at anyone in particular.
If you made it this far, please encourage someone that is involved in ministry. I'm not saying us, but just someone. I think this is how most wives that have husbands in ministry must feel.
6 comments:
it is really unfortunate that people feel as though they ought to "fix" your lifestyle as it seems by telling you guys what is wrong with your lives. although it seems to come with the territory, especially being so involved in church life. i am not involved in ministry personally but have been in the past and know alot of people involved with youth ministries....it is hard to please everyone since everybody is at different stages in their spiritual walks or backgrounds to think that they know what is the best way to go. and really, that isn't the point, pleasing people. i guess my husband and i are more liberal believers and we live in a very conservative community, i am sure people think we are nuts, but we don't care. it isn't really anybody's business if you choose to have a glass of wine with your meal or a beer after a really hot day and they certainly don't have any right to make an issue of it when, like you said, everyone is not perfect.
so i guess, this is just my encouragement to somebody involved in ministry to keep on being who you are, to stay focused on plugging these kids into Christ, and to keep striving to be the best examples possible in all areas of your lives (it sure sounds like you are already). blessings to you to follow God's leading in working with kids. it sure takes alot to do the job!
I'm sorry that you guys are suffering under so much criticism. It seems to be something that I think is rampant in our church these days. Every program, every leader, everything about the church seems to be under attack. Justin and you both have a heart for kids and a passion for God. That is readily apparent. Don't give up...it's impossible to please everyone, so you just have to do the best that you can to please God and remember that in the end it's all about Him.
Ephesians 6:12 ((NIV)
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
p.s. I hope that I have never been a source of discouragement for either of you. If I have, I apologize.
You and justin are two of my favorite people in the ministry, FYI. It's pretty obvious that you are doing what you're called to do. I'm always really encouraged by you guys. Thanks for being cool and drinking the chai tea i make you.
Thank you so much for your honesty! I used to work at a christian school and found that parents were the same way with us (staff members) and I believe it was because they were paying tuition so they felt they "owned" us. You are definitely under a microscope in ministry and don't have the paycheck to reflect all that you go through and all the hours you put in. Just remember there are a lot more people who love what you do, but somehow those that complain and hurt really stand out. My brother is 40 years old and still keeps in touch with his youth pastor and his wife, so you are making a life long impact. We think your family is wonderful and an excellent example to other families and devoted servants to the Lord. To those negative types, I would suggest they read Matthew 7:1,2 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Keep up the great work!
my grandmother is a pastor's wife. Has been for at least 3o years... and she has ALWAYS been told by every congregation that my grandpa has led, that she doesn't act like a pastor's wife should. What does she say in return: 'You're right. I act like God made me- the position my husband is in doesn't change the fact that i'm a sinner." This is not to say that i'm calling you a big fat sinner or that other people are. Im just giving you a little bit of help from my grandma.
I'll pray for you and Justin. My relatives always talk about how hard it is to be in ministry... we (the people not in ministry) are just too needy on visible, material people. We like talking about relying on God but we'd rather rely on you. And then peg you when you screw up. :(
I'm sorry people suck. I for one am amazed with how much i've personally grown in my faith since Brad left. Brad is amazing and he basically saved my life millions of times BUT Justin has made me think. He has shown me that thinking outside of the box is not only okay, but needed desperately. And you have let me come to your house and play with your son and rant for hours on end. thank you.
Ah yes, life in the "fish bowl". After all these years I have finally come to learn how to breath underwater...there is a lot more peace in the fish bowl now. At least I'm not floating belly up yet.
Besides...when you look back at the people through the glass, they look a lot funnier than I do. : )
Be the fish, embrace the fish. You can even quote me on that.
I love you, pray for you and am so proud of you.
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